That being said, if you’re vegan, awesome! If not, I don’t judge – its not my place.
I love power lifting, animals, cooking, and anything that has to do with nutrition and exercise science. My goals are to become a registered dietitian to help everyone I can in every way possible. I am a certified personal trainer to coach people online and a private personal trainer locally in the Montgomery County and Bucks County, Pennsylvania area.
Read below for my story and how I got into fitness!
If you think it may be relatable to you and help your journey, please read on. If you don’t want to read the whole thing, here are the cliff notes.
I lost 200 pounds, gained it back, dealt with an eating disorder, depression, anti-social behaviors, and self-hate. Finally, got a hold on proper dieting, fixed myself, and now I’m working on helping other people overcome those same issues.
I was over 400 pounds. The scale I had only went to 400 and it went past the zero. I was highly depressed, anti-social, and super unhappy with my life. I was told I was pre-diabetic and damn close to a heart attack at the age of 21. For perspective, I was a 52 waist and a 3 XL in clothing. I could eat about $40-50 worth of Burger King or Taco Bell in a matter of 5 to 10 minutes and still eat more. I would go to subway and get 3 or 4 subs and eat them for one meal. I could eat a 5-gallon jug of ice cream and not flinch. Also, I would polish off cases of soda in a day. I had a problem – a huge problem.
It was a blessing or a curse, in this case, a huge blessing that once something clicked in my head, it was on. Basically, I needed to lose weight or I was going to die. One hell of a motivator, right?
That kicked opened the door for me into fitness. I wanted to get into lifting so I looked on some forums and followed a very “clean bro diet” and a basic lifting program. I went through a huge fat loss phase and lost over 200 pounds in the first year. I ultra-restricted myself to chicken, rice, broccoli, and protein shakes. If I was feeling crazy, I ate some peanut butter.
I did okay with lifting. I got over my fear of lifting weights and was able to lift in front of people. I was so strict that once I got to my goal weight, I rebounded so hard that I gained 70 pounds back in the next 2 to 3 months. I didn’t understand why and I developed a pretty hefty eating disorder and an insanely bad relationship with food. My old habits came back worse than before. So, it was back to square one again, except I was less heavy. The doctor was happy with the weight loss, but I was miserable and still hated myself.
Gaining back that weight did nothing but depress me more; however, it made me more determined to lose the weight. Obviously, something was wrong with how I lost it all so I turned back to the almighty internet to figure out my problems. This is where things got even messier (if you can believe that). I jumped on keto because it was touted as a magical diet that burned body fat by eating fat. I lost about 50 pounds following the keto diet. I felt happy with that and started working more on my lifting routine. I felt weak and, in return, felt like I needed a better diet. I shifted off keto and back to a high protein, low-fat diet. I got stronger, although that was not my initial goal. After I stopped the keto diet, all of my bad eating habits came flooding back in. I gained the weight back and, once again, I was back to square one.
I ended up being an emotional eater. I reclused myself more, besides going to work, and left myself in a dark hole with no real silver lining. I went on and off diets for a couple years and no one really questioned my weight gain because I had lost a whole person. Plus, when you are obscenely overweight, you learn to layer and wear button-ups to make yourself seem slimmer.
Something had to give and I was desperate to find it. I was too stubborn to ask for help, but I eventually came out victorious.
You name it, I tried all of the diets – keto, Atkins, low-carb, and low-fat. It sucked. I couldn’t stay consistent and kept falling off the wagon. I found the “If It Fits Your Macros Diet” and did really well with it.
Basically, this diet is eating whatever foods you like as long as you reach your calorie goal. Seeing as I was into lifting, I ate to my protein goal and enjoyed “taboo” diet foods such as ice creams, chips, etc. and I lost weight. It stayed off. I got stronger. Everything was going right! Holy crap!
This went really smooth as I had diet freedom and no restrictions – just a guideline. It felt amazing. The only binges I had which set back the progress were due to emotions or stress. These were semi controlled – if that’s what you want to call it. My binges were only 3,000 to 4000 calories instead of what I used to eat in a day, 8,000 to 10,000 calories.
Enter tackling my eating social anxiety, depression, and some self-hate. I developed a severe case of body dysmorphia. It’s a giant asshole, it’s still here, and probably always will be.
Body dysmorphia is defined as “a body-image disorder characterized by persistent and intrusive preoccupations with an imagined or slight defect in one’s appearance.”
Basically, I still see my old self, old skin marks, the damage done from years of overeating, and rehash all of those thoughts. I call them battle wounds.
I still see “Fat Nick” in the mirror. It has gotten better, but it gets me down now and then that I’ll never be happy with my physique.
On top of that, I focused on being a functional human who dated and interacted with the public. This took a bit, but every bit of rejection or ridicule triggered a binge. I eventually overcame that in about 10 to 12 months with some help, which lifted some depression. I was finally seeing a light at the end of the tunnel.
I still practiced flexible dieting and developed a better relationship with food by eating more fruits and vegetables. I was successful with dieting – no major binges – and was making progress in the depression and self-hate arena. I met someone who helped me immensely with self-esteem and, without that person today, I would probably still be lost. She struggled with me through huge bouts of self-hate and binge eating, but helped me conquer them. I went on to keep dieting and became a “normal,” as one can be, human.
I haven’t had a binge since 2016, although some minor self-hate and body dysmorphia is still there. It’s much better than what it was.
Powerlifting and bodybuilding are my main focuses. I hit a low of 182 pounds and kept the weight off. I eventually swapped to a vegan diet for ethical reasons and because I love animals! I lift heavy and diet pretty well as a vegan and, overall through all the bullshit, I am pretty freaking happy.
For those who actually read this – thank you. If this resonated with you, please remember, there are people who have been in your shoes and can help.
Hopefully, I can be one of those people.
If not, help is truly a wonderful thing and I wish I had it sooner than later. If you would like more information on the Nemarto Fitness mission and core values, please continue to the frequently asked questions.
